Screams
by Jayjayk023
Summary: The nights were the worst, especially the memories of everyone together.


A cool night.

No sound at all, which was weird for the usually buzzing talk of the crime lab. It was as if the world had just closed its doors on the people who worked there. Cradling pictures of what use to be, and who that person was even though in reality they had no clue who that person really was.

_The note written,laying on his desk at the top just so when the paramedics came to try to save the life, that there was no saving to be done for, they could hand it to his supervisor. Tell him it was his choice, and that there was nothing they could do._

The women of the lab had tear stains and mascara run down their faces. There was no happy glint in anyones eye tonight. It was their first night not seeing him, not hearing his voice, not feeling the warmth of his hugs. The thought running through their minds was ' how could we have saved him.'

_The bath water turned on cold, and by the time he would be back from setting everything else up it would be as cold as ice. An ending to a tragic life in only a way a true poet could kill himself._

Anger, ripped through the chests of the men who were suppose to be his best friends, but anger was just a cover. There were alwayssigns to suicide and yet they call themselves investigators. They didn't even notice the tell tale signs of it on a man who had so much to live for in the first place.

_Pills all lined up on the cabinet. A collection from all the pain he had been through _ _over the years. The lab explosion, the beating and then his mild case of schizophrenia which was setting in way to fast for anyone, but him to know it. No cure, no way out other than to be locked up and away._

Grissom was the one to be called when the paramedics found the body ice cold and no pulse left, nothing to even try to revive because he had been gone for so long. Going through Greg's stuff now felt like a betrayal to confidence, yet what had to be done had to be done. His journals were filled with writings, some dating all the way back to his years in high school, but those weren't the ones he was interested in.

_9/29_

_I can feel the eyes boring into my back, into my soul, watching my every move waiting for me to mess up so they can point and laugh at how moronic I truly am. I can feel them in the lab, out in the field, even at home. They watch me, thinking of ways to come and get me. I may act paranoid but the truth is I am only telling the truth._

Grissom flips forward some pages to find the writing themselves to be longer, more detailed, as if Greg himself was working his way into a more fantasy land of everyone watching him.

_11/24_

_The ticking of the clock makes me want to pick it up and throw it against the wall, letting the make-up of parts go in all different directions. They are tracking me through it, tracking my every move, getting to know me, getting to see my routine so that when they know me enough they can strike. I will not let that happen, be damn you I will not. _

_The animal of the night has started coming closer to my window, making scratching noises, leaving me rocking in the fetal position until the dawn approaches and I can finally go to sleep. I will not let it take me alive, not in this lifetime it won't._

_12/4_

_The whispers themselves have seemed to take over my every thought, leaving me more confused. Riley has noticed but has yet to ask who I may be whispering to while I think I am alone in the locker room. She will never find out because she is one of their  spies, making sure I am acting right while the are not around to watch me. In the end I know I may lose to the guilt and the pain, but the ticking and the voices and the scratching and the eyes have seemed to start coming closer. I don not know how long I can take this and fulfill out the rest of my job._

_1/8_

_My time here on earth is coming to a close, for I fear I may not be able to hide my secret anymore. The winter air which does not hit here lightly have started shifting their way toward us. And with the air, my _

_time here on earth will be shifting north. The scratches on the walls have gotten deeper and the night animal has started howling at me as well. I can't take much more of this nonsense and games. I wish there was more that I could do before I let my soul be taken to hell and ride the water ways with everyone else, but there isn't. So let life be known that I am lucid in a way and I wish to die like this without someone whispering in my ear at every turn of how I'm being watched and how I should handle the next situation._

_Let these last drops of blood drain from my body and turn the bath water a murky pink color while I swallow the pills that have tried to save me from life and pain._

_**Dear Grissom, Catherine, Nick, Sara, Ray, Al, Wendy and yes even you Hodges,**_

_**You may be surprised to know of my death, but I see it as a new beginning for not only myself but a chance to move on. Don't take it to hard, don't dwell over the fact. This has been a long time coming and I wish there was more to say to you guys, but there isn't. I will keep it short: I love you. You mentored me and now it's my time to say goodbye. The voices were enough and once they started sounding like your voices nagging in my ear then I knew that I needed to let you guys go. I will see you on the other side. Have fun, I hope Warrick is sitting there with you.**_

_**Love, **_

_**Greg Sanders.**_

"Sir, are you either Grisosm, Nick, Ray, Al, or Hodges?" The paramedic asked Conrad.

"No."

"There is a letter addressed to them we would like to give it them."

"It isn't possible. They died in a bomb explosion a year ago, it left Greg badly burned and dis formed and needing mental help for quite some time. It was only a matter of when he would do this."

Authors note:This story turned out way different then planned. You are wondering how Grissom was reading the journal entries, well I will leave that up to you.

R&R please. Oh and also I dont own these people


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